so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
