Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
