'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
