he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
