walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
its liver damage thursday
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
