I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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