One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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