I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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