It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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