I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
