Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
