I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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