the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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