Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
