Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
