my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
