Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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