This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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