Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
