I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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