wat bout pragnant strippers??
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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