Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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