dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Someone came in the potted fern
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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