I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
