I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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