So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
