4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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