Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
be right there i have to get my cape
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
