i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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