Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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