sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
