dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
