have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
