bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
