im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
