I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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