Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
