You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
