I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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