goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
this hospital has no fireball
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
