I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
