The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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