dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
