I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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