How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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