Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
