Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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