She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
