Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
