people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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