My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
