We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
