I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
