My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
