Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
