WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
