New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
