where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
