No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
