Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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