Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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