It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Green mimosas i think yes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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