I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
