didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
